This post was written in its entirity by Timothy M. Dolan and was first published in the Mar/Apr 2007 issue of Lay Witness Magazine
Becoming a Saintly Father
I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was only 6, and it was the closing of the Forty Hours Devotion at the parish. Dad took me to church. I was fascinated with the incense, the crowd, and the music. Because the church was packed, we had to stand in the rear of the church. As Fr. Callahan passed us carrying the Blessed Sacrament, Dad knelt down and bowed his head. That simple act of prayer, reverence, and humility taught me volumes.
True, Dad was far from a "saint," as he’d be the first to admit. But he was a loving, responsible, caring man. His faith and his family were the focus, the passion, and the center of his life. Everything he did, dreamed, and worked for was never for him, but for us.
Daily do I thank God for the gift of my dad. While not a "saint," his saintly qualities taught me more than 24 years of formal education.
More and more I am convinced that the restoration of fatherhood as an esteemed vocation in the Church and in our society is the key to renewal and the antidote for many of our cultural ills. Fathers, by their word and example, teach us fidelity, selflessness, and most of all, they teach us about God. Let me spend a moment on each.
Fidelity
First, dads teach us fidelity. Simply put, a dad is a man of his word. He keeps his promises. He is true to the vows he made to the Lord and to his wife. He keeps the promises he made to his kids on the day of their baptism when he agreed to teach them "by word and example."
One plea that would always move my Dad was when we children would chant, "But Dad, you promised!" He would not disappoint his kids. He was a man of fidelity.
Selflessness
Secondly, our fathers are saintly in their selflessness.
My dad loved ketchup. He’d put it on meat, potatoes, even scrambled eggs. No meal was complete without it. Yet, come every Thursday, the day before Mom went shopping, when supplies were low, the ketchup bottle was near empty . . . and he would never touch it. The little bit remaining was for us. He’d eat his meatloaf dry.
A tiny lesson in selflessness.
Pope John Paul the Great—a true "Holy Father"—taught often about what he called "the law of the gift." This means that our person, our very being, is enhanced and actualized only insofar as we give ourselves away in selfless love. Dads are prime examples of this "law of the gift." Their very identity depends upon their daily, selfless giving of self to their wife and children.
This is a most pivotal lesson in a culture that tends to define worth by what we get rather than what we give, by what we have rather than who we are.
One of the most precious gifts dads can give their children is that of time.
Once I was at a seminar for fathers sponsored by a parish. A renowned psychologist was lecturing on how they could be the most effective dads for their sons. He concluded with this: "When all is said and done, the best gift you can give your son is to play catch with him."
The selfless gift of time.
And how I remember standing in the front yard, holding my baseball glove and his, waiting for him to come home from work. Here he came—hot, sweaty, just wanting to get inside, change, relax, open a cold beer—but he always had time to play a little catch with his son. He was selfless, willing to sacrifice his time for us.
Image of the Father
Finally, dads teach their kids what God is like. What a supreme compliment to every dad: God revealed himself as a father! Keep this in mind: What your children think of you profoundly influences how they think of God.
A very disturbed young man told me once that he had become an atheist. When I asked why, he replied, "The Church has told me that the goal of life is to spend eternity with our heavenly Father. I can’t stand to spend five minutes with my Dad! If God is a ‘father,’ I can’t believe in Him!"
If our children see their dads as loving, warm, selfless, embracing, affirming, faithful, caring, and strict, yes, but always forgiving, they will want to spend eternity with their heavenly Father. If not? I’m afraid the answer is all around us.
We also know, because He revealed it to us, that God loves His people—whether they be the people of Israel in the Old Testament, or the people of the New Israel, the Church—as a husband loves his wife. That love is forever. It is faithful. It is life-giving.
The way a husband loves his wife, in other words, mirrors the way God loves us.
The way a husband loves his wife also tells us a lot about the way God loves us. My first pastor used to say to the future husband and father he was preparing for marriage: "The best way you can love your children is by loving their mom."
A good father teaches us fidelity, selflessness, and what God is like. Quite a job description.
Of course, fatherhood is hardly a "job"—my point is that it is a vocation, a life. That might intimidate us.
But, as Jesus would say, "Do not be afraid!" As St. Bernard writes about the foster father of Jesus, St. Joseph, "God never calls us to a vocation without providing us the grace to accomplish it."
Dads, you are "full of grace!"
Timothy M. Dolan, Archbishop of the Archdiocese of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
