Forgiveness does not mean that we will cease to hurt. The wounds are deep, and we may hurt for a very long time. Just because we continue to experience emotional pain does not mean that we have failed to forgive.
Forgiveness does not mean that we will forget. That would do violence to our rational faculties. Helmut Thielicke, a German pastor who endured the darkest days of the Nazi Third Reich, says, "One should never mention the words ‘forgive’ and ‘forget’ in the same breath." No, we remember, but in forgiving we no longer use the memory against others.
Forgiveness is not pretending that the offense did not really matter. It did matter, and it does matter, and there is no use pretending otherwise. The offense is real, but when we forgive, the offense no longer controls our behavior.
Forgiveness is not acting as if things are just the same as before the offense. We must face the fact that things will never be the same. By the grace of God they can be a thousand times better, but they will never again be the same.
What then is forgiveness? It is a miracle of grace whereby the offense no longer separates. Forgiveness means that we will no longer use the offense to drive a wedge between us, hurting and injuring one another. Forgiveness means that the power of love that holds us together is greater than the power of the offense that separates us.
– Richard J. Foster.
We've all been hurt. We've all hurt other people. All of us need to be forgiven. And all of us need to give and receive the freedom that only forgiveness can bring.
Thank you for this post. This is an area where I am really struggling. I pray to be able to forgive and to be forgiven, but I don't know how to get out from behind the wall the hurt has built. Thank you again. Have a great night.
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts on forgiveness! I like how he says forgiveness doesn't mean the relationship will ever be the same again. But maybe better by the grace of God. What a miracle!
ReplyDeleteI want to grow in this.
Blessings.
"we remember, but in forgiving we no longer use the memory against others."
ReplyDeleteWow! What a great explanation. I think we always have to ask God's help to give up grudges and the looking for ways to get back at people who have offended us.
Great post! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI recently wrote a post on forgiveness- and it is very much in agreement with yours. We can forgive people that have hurt us, but it does not mean that these people need to stay in our lives and continue to do so. Great post.
ReplyDeleteAmen. I am realizing that I cannot forgive on my own power.
ReplyDeleteOh, I love that Richard Foster. Good words here. Thank you for sharing them.
ReplyDeleteA miracle of grace, indeed. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI like that last line he used, "Forgiveness means that the power of love that holds us together is greater than the power of the offense that separates us."
ReplyDeletePowerful!
I like this explanation of forgiveness. Thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Charlotte
Richard Foster is one of my absolute favorites...Thanks for sharing him here.
ReplyDeleteI love how he separates forgiveness and forgetting. What a great new perspective on forgiveness. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to have come across this today as I was struggling with the decision to forgive someone who to this day will not acknowledged their wrong doing in my life. Merely their regret at the turn our relationship has taken while still feigning blindness to her actions!
ReplyDeleteHow do you forgive someone who doesn't think they need to be forgiven? That in itself infuriated me even more.
Then I realised I needed to forgive her for my own sake, that the only one being hurt by my wrath was myself.
I'm glad to have extended the olive branch today and coming across your posts on forgiveness cements this for me.
I know now that I've done the right thing.
Thank you and God bless.